a fannish lemming

I want to marry Donna Noble. Screw you, whiny Donna-haters, she's awesome.)

( Spoilers for 'Turn Left' and next weeks' episodes )

Family in this case meaning my alcoholic cousin, henceforth to be known as AC.

*sigh* I had planned to spend a lazy day today in bed with my (new! amazing!) laptop and a tub of Ben and Jerry's. Apparently not.

My brother's friend (N) died last night, and my brother (call him brother C since I have two) is understandably gutted. N had been pissing blood for two weeks or so but was putting off seeing a doctor, although all his friends had been urging him to get seen to. C is blaming himself for N's death and I can see why, although he's not to blame. According to brother C, N suffered total organ failure brought on by either a massive infection or alcohol abuse. N was 23 years old, and his liver function tested at a massive 324 - whereas a normal liver tests at 40 and a severely damaged one tests at 80.

That would be quite enough Epic Fail for a typical day. This is not a typical day. This is a day living with AC.

We heard that N had died at around 7.30 this morning. By 7.35, AC was lying on the couch in full-on hysterics. By 8.00 she'd calmed somewhat and was telling brother C's friends all about the evils of alcohol abuse and she was so glad she doesn't drink anymore. By 8.30 she was kissing one of them behind the garage. When they all left to go visit N's brother at 9.30, she went to the shop up the road... and bought a bottle of vodka. She then locked herself in the bathroom and for the last four hours she's been drinking and having screaming matches over the phone with practically everyone. There's one exception. Remember I posted about her getting raped a few days ago? She and I eventually went to the police about that. She is currently *apologising* to the guy who *raped her* for going to the police, and begging him to get back together with her (!?).

When I asked her why she wasn't getting ready for work this morning, AC said (and I quote) 'I want to be here for my cousin. I can see he's upset. I'm really glad I don't drink any more.'

I seriously wish I was making this up.

My alcoholic cousin met this guy last week. She told us he seemed really nice, that he was helping her stay sober, that they were just going to be friends because she 'just didn't think she was capable of having a romantic relationship right now', and that he was fine with that. At this point she'd been sober for around six days, and we were all getting really hopeful for her.

Then on Thursday she told me he'd texted her to say he wanted more from her. He started to call more often and text on an almost constant basis, and when she asked for advice we all of us said to end contact with him immediately, as in stat, as in yesterday.

She didn't listen. On Friday she went out with him regardless, and we didn't see her again until two hours ago. The bastard took her to his house and got her legless, and when she passed out he raped her. She woke up with him on top of her, inside her with her legs wide open, and instead of calling us or her mum or the police she called her old friends and went off on a bender.

I want to help her, but... idk, I just don't have any fucking clue what to do with any of this shit right now.

I'm sure I had thinky thoughts about this one, but they've been wiped and replaced with 'nnngghh David Tennant are you trying to *kill* me?' He's so very good in this (and I mean that in more ways than one... sweaty panting Doctor, mmmmnghh). Fantastic.

Wow. You know you're in need of something warm and fuzzy when coming up with something to fill your subject field is simply beyond you. Me. Whatever.

anyhow. Being 27 sucks very much. Since turning 27, much shit has happened.

I lost my internet. And then eventually I got it back. Completely my parents' fault, I'm thinking of banning them from using anything a hobbit wouldn't use.

And then my aunt got really ill. Said aunt emigrated to Kenya last year.

(Here is where I digress to point out that while I have a huger family than everyone I've ever known combined, I am still the only surviving relative of said aunt. OR SO I THOUGHT AT THE TIME. It's a thrilling tale of adoption and repeated divorce leading to multiple parents, I'll spare you the details. Oscar Wilde once wrote that to lose both parents was carelessness: I would love to hear his thoughts on gaining three more.)

Anyhow. As the only surviving relative of said aunt, I packed a bag and flew off to Kenya, where said aunt proceeded to die. There's something really shocking in the utter banality of the last days of people you're not really attached to. We spoke a lot about central heating and home improvements, and cats, and then she was gone.

Said aunt left her entire estate to her local cat rescue centre (which I already knew about), with me as executor (which I didn't, wtf). I don't want to get into the details. Executing wills is hard, arranging international flights for corpses even more so, and I don't plan on doing so ever again.

And so I came home again (this was Monday), to find one of my cousins, an alcoholic, SLEEPING IN MY ROOM. WTF PARENTS I AM SO NOT DOWN WITH THAT SHIT AND YOU KNOW THAT. (They thought she'd be gone before I got back.) I'm an actual emotional fuck-up at the best of times and I have issues with people going in my room without my actual physical presence. Said cousin went through my stuff and read my poetry what I wrote. Apparently I had an actual screaming freak-out when I found out and went for her with the meat cleaver. (Idk, I don't remember anything since Sunday night.) I really do have the best ideas when I'm not coherent, she's a manipulative little bitch and she's not fooling anyone. She's been here three weeks and shows no sign of sorting herself out. In the meantime she's waking my little sister up at all hours, stressing the crap out of us all and costing us a fortune in wasted food and electricity. And she's still drinking. I'd kill her, but I already told people that I really want to so I couldn't claim diminished responsibility and I really don't want to go to prison as that would probably send me completely postal.

And then when I dragged myself from my sleep pit today I found a letter from said aunt's estranged son who nobody knew about (what joy). He wants to contest her will, the fucker. So, I spent all day today at a solicitor's. DO NOT WANT. AT ALL.

I have just eaten a full box of Thornton's, drunk a full bottle of wine (in front of my cousin, yes, it was awesome, I'm not remotely sorry and I plan on doing it again tomorrow), whined about my pile'o'shit to the internet and put on my most miserable iPod playlist. Tomorrow I'm going to skip this being 27 shit and turn 28 early and THINGS WILL LOOK UP GODDAMNIT! *shakes fist*

This entry was brought to you by caps lock and the finest wine known to humanity.

To anyone trying to get hold of me,

My internets is kaput. Estimated time of normal service resumption is Saturday (ohgodohgodohgod *hyperventilates*).

Hope you all have a wonderful week &hearts

Love, Me.

It's April Fool's Day, and today at work an elderly lady tried to get us to refund her money on an avocado pear. She told us it tasted foul. Turns out she'd poached it. In lemonade.

Just when I thought I'd heard it all *g* I'm a smart cookie, but my job makes me feel like Einstein. Infinite human stupidity ftw!

Of the 5000 words I got written today, roughly 3000 will have to go because apparently I can't write porny Wincest anymore. At all. That said, Pretty. Odd. probably wasn't the best choice of soundtrack, even if they are looking more like Real Boys these days. And the rest will have to be re-written heavily, since my OC seems to think that sticking to the (carefully plotted) outline would be beneath him. Also he loves the sound of his own voice too much, and Dean would quite like to deck the bastard, which, sorry sweetheart but no. I realise that when a character comes to life on the page it's generally defined as a good thing, but I just want mine to stfu already before I cut his bit down to exposition. I guess I'm just not sufficiently cunning to write trickster gods.

I'm also not sufficiently knowledgable to adequately comment on the radical feminist critique of Joss Whedon that's doing the rounds, but what I've read of radical feminism today makes my blood boil. Feminism appears (to me) to be all about female empowerment, which I can definitely get behind, but there are few things I find more demeaning than their idea of pathetic, helpless women so trodden down by the 'patriarchy' as to be incapable of giving full consent to sex. The radical feminist definition of rape in particular is an insult to anyone who has been raped themselves.

And apparently there are Panic fans who hate Keltie Colleen because she's going out with Ryan... ri-ight. I can certainly see where venting your ugly jealousy will make him see what he's been missing all along and unceremoniously dump her for you/Brendon/his little dog, how very genius of you. Why you can't just marry the boy on the astral plane like the saner rabid fangirls from HP fandom I do not know.

That's enough minor irritation for now. Have some recs (that you've probably read already, but who cares, right? ^^)

Dance Upon the Waves by ignipes, Ryan/Brendon, PG-13

Imagine Pirates! at the Disco and what springs to mind might be as good as this. There's a Brendon who can talk to the animals, a Ryan who's the Captain (but only because he won the toss with Spencer, obv) and a bajillion cameos of awesome which I won't spoil for you here. Oh, and someone almost gets fed to Bob, what more could you ask for?

Ridiculously hot-like-a-burning-thing-on-fire hurt-comfort porn? Fussy buggers,but you have excellent taste *g*

Precipitate by arsenicjade Ryan/Jon, NC-17

Part of her Wednesday Night Boys AU and written as a birthday gift for untappedbeauty. This one gets me all teary-eyed and incoherent in the best possible way.


I'm off to re-read. G'night, all!

Dear Panic fans who don't like Pretty. Odd.

I'm really sorry, but full enjoyment of the new Panic album won't be available to all listeners for a considerable period of time. There's only a finite supply of Panic squee to go around, and I'm afraid I will be hogging it for, oh I don't know, the forseeable future. Come back in 2011.

Love and regrets,
Me -x-

*

Dear Panic fans who hate Pretty. Odd. because it doesn't sound like AFYCSO-era Panic,

I think you're all morons. Wank at me if you wish.

Love and sympathy,
Me -x-

*

Dear Panic at the Disco,

I love you. I mean it. Now would you please stop trying to kill me dead, I really really want to see what you do next.

Love and then some,
Me -x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Dad went off with the rest of the family to visit my Auntie Mel in hospital.

Dad: Hello, love.
Auntie Mel: Bloody hell, I *must* be dying if you've come to see me.

And she is.